The Travel Answer
The Urban Dictionary definition of “backpacking” is “Traveling around with only a backpack on your back. This method of travel is usually associated with youth, but people of all ages backpack.” And the cliché quote about backpacking is usually something like, “Travel so far that you find yourself.” If you talk to enough people who have been backpacking before, they might give you some variation of this answer when asked why they left home. “To find myself,” “To reinvent myself,” “To learn more about myself.” In fact, when I started off with only a backpack on my back, the latter was my answer. I had just been through a quarter-life crisis, as melodramatic as that may sound, and I had no idea who I was. And that fueled a lot of questions, doubts, and conversations on hostel couches with strangers. Who am I? Who do I want to be? How can I figure it out? Well, I’m nearly five months into my adventure, and I’ve had an epiphany. I know that I’m not the first one to have this realization, but just like when someone else tells us something our mom has said for years it finally makes sense, I feel like I can share this without having imposter syndrome. So, here it is.
Table of Contents
1. Where are you?
It’s not about who you are, but where you are.
No, not physically. I don’t mean where on this planet your feet are standing. Where are you at this point in your life? Where is your heart at? Where does your mind race to when you have a moment of silence and peace? Where are you? Where do you go?
2. Backstory
Because what I’ve been hearing, and finally makes sense and sounds true, is that we will never fully know ourselves. I didn’t believe it until I thought about the last five years of my life. In my old age, I have become a ruminator. Five years ago today, I was in the first semester of university, in a relationship with a guy I met the week before school started, completely shocked by my decision to major in business instead of nursing like I’d been saying for a year or so, and convinced that I would be a corporate badass in four years’ time. One-and-a-half years go by, a break-up, a global pandemic, my grandmother’s passing, and my brother’s cancer diagnosis and treatment have already happened. In that time, I feel like I’ve changed so much. But I was still going to rule Corporate America, had already had half a dozen business dresses, and was gaining confidence as a single young woman. Then, I randomly decided that I needed to get away from the stress for the summer, and I went to Honduras to become a scuba instructor. That three-week plan turned into three months to nearly three years in the Caribbean. Another long-term relationship, climbing the PADI ladder to the second highest ranking instructor level, completing a bachelor’s degree, and volunteering with an amazing after-school program goes by. Then, my plan was to become the youngest female Course Director, I’d completely forgotten about marketing, and my entire identity was wrapped up in scuba. But I didn’t know that yet. It took the better half of a two-year struggle with my health, a dozen doctors, two procedures, and three massively unsuccessful dives for me to cry my way through the months-long decision to stop my dive career… at least for the moment. Cue mental breakdown. Cue existential crisis. Cue absolute and complete confusion. My overachieving, super stubborn, “I can do it, watch me” self suddenly had no idea who I was and felt like I had to know immediately. It was painful. Treacherously so for a while. So, I decided the only logical thing to do with the money I was saving up to become a Course Director was to travel the world and find myself. To learn who Trinity is without diving. Fast forward to now, months into an unintentionally-around-the-world backpacking adventure, and I genuinely couldn’t care less that I don’t have the complete answer. Because at each stage of that story, there was a different person. Different goals, different dreams, different friends, different perspectives. I have been all of those versions of “Trinity.” And none of them are less important or less worthy or less educational than the other. And now, looking back, I can learn from her. And what she’s taught me is that where I am right now will help show me who I am. Because I can be all of those Trinitys simultaneously.
3. Realization
Where we are, teaches us who we are- right now. Because we change. We evolve. We grow. We’re like lizards. Maybe not as cyclical, but you will shed off old parts to become the new version of you. Maybe not the most romantic analogy, but it’s better than a snake. Although, unlike a lizard, we don’t have to just leave that old self to disintegrate somewhere on the road, we can keep that version in our minds to thank and learn from over time. It’s like reading a book or watching a movie multiple times and noticing things you missed the first go around. We can’t see everything we’ll learn about a version of ourselves yet. We’re not far enough removed from it, or we haven’t learned the right lessons yet, or we’re just not in the right place to see it differently yet. Another cliché travel quote poses the question of whether the destination or the journey is more important. I propose an Answer C. Right now is more important. The present moment. Because if we live each moment wholly, being entirely in it, those moments turn into days, into weeks, months, years… and by being authentically us in each of those moments, we become who we are. Who are you in this moment? That’s all that matters. Where you are right now is all that matters. Life is too short to live in the past or worry about the future. Just be here. Now. Be you. And there’s your answer.
