My Daily Reminders
I recently decided to give myself permanent reminders of my power and strength. Before getting into that, though, I’d like to ask you a question. What is the biggest lesson you've learned in recent years? I know that's a big question posed simply on this black-and-white digital page. But I want you to truly think about it. Maybe it was the lesson of forgiveness, of humility, or that some people are in our lives only for chapters instead of the whole book. Now, I want you to determine why that lesson was so difficult for you to learn. Perhaps you resisted, fought against it at every corner. Maybe because it involved the loss of a loved one. Or even because the lesson is one your parents told you all your life and you didn't want to accept, haha. For me, the most recent lesson I've learned is that I am stronger than I think. That sounds conceited, but I'll explain myself. Ironically, that also means I'm trying to make myself look better, but let's just roll with it. It's been difficult for me to learn because if I've already done something or been through something, it must not've been that difficult, right? So why celebrate? If I can do it, it's not a big victory.
Table of Contents
1.Recap | 2.Breathe | 3.Strength | 4.Summary
1. Recap
If you are new here, let me give you a quick recap. I am a former scuba instructor who decided to stop diving due to health issues. My deep, genuine hope is that I can one day return to my life as a mermaid under the surface, but I have to accept that it's not worth it right now. My health is more important. If you want to read more on that, you can find a bit of that story here. With that in mind, I'll continue. The last half year has been a constant battle between my heart and mind in choosing what to do. It's been a struggle to find medical answers, get my body to function appropriately, and not be too impatient with my doctors and myself. Throughout this time, I've been exploring various modalities to help heal. My heart, body, and soul. I dove deeper into yoga and breathwork, leading me to access bars, the MIR method, chakra balancing, and the Wim Hof method. Yes, I've gone a little hippie. And these techniques were in addition to more traditional Western things like exercise and physical therapy, changing my diet, reducing alcohol consumption, maintaining a sleep routine, etc. as well.
2. Breathe
But in this rabbit hole of exploration, I found an entrepreneurial coach who holds Wim Hof-esque events on Saturdays. I was interested in it because of the ice bath portion, which my experience included only ice baths after intense sports practice in high school. I read of many health benefits from it and was excited to try it. But I kept returning because of the breathwork portion of the event. Practically forty minutes of intense hyperventilative belly breathing through the mouth. My fingers, hands, forearms, lips, eyebrows, kneecaps, and toes tense and spasm, cramping into contorted figures. My senses are heightened with my eyes closed, emotions release (and generally so do tears), and I feel revived afterward. It takes me to a similar place when I would practice static apnea in freediving. On breathe-ups, I would sometimes get in my head- "What happens if this time is worse than the last?", "I feel like I'm already cramping," "I don't know if I can do this today." But then, I would simply focus on my breath. How it feels coming through the snorkel, into my mouth, and down to my belly. How I expand my stomach passively until I exhale and it contracts again. Remembering that I have the power to control my breath, and then the world around me feels under control as well. And, of course, with scuba, I would control my breath intentionally, listening to the hollow echo of compressed air running through the hose and into my mouth and then the bubbles on my exhale crackling in front of me. My life has become increasingly more aligned to become more aware of my breath. To breathe to the fullest extent, to use my breath to control my wandering mind, and to slow down time. And so I got the word "breathe" tattooed on my arm, surrounded by waves on either side. My reminder that if I intentionally breathe, I can control my world.
3. Strength
Something else I'm continuing to learn is my general strength and power, aside from just my breath. Just before I went to Honduras to become a scuba instructor, I had a dear friend create a custom trident necklace for me. At the time, it symbolized my love and adoration of the sea. It's become so much more in the two-and-a-half years I've worn it. Particularly in recent months, becoming more public about my current struggles, many friends have encouraged and reminded me of my inner strength. People I have never been very close to even, sharing gentle and kind words about my character. Honestly, it's the first time in my life I truly feel surrounded by a community. When I sit and reflect on my life, what I've accomplished and overcome, I am proud of myself in many instances. Of course, because the sea holds a special place in my heart, I made yet another connection to it, a reminder to myself. I have always been awe-struck by the power and strength of the sea. She can command attention, demand submission, and yet have grace and beauty. My trident necklace began to represent my inner strength and grace. Like a master of the ocean, I can command the sea within me, calm the storms, and make waves while being graceful and delicate. And so I got a trident tattoo on my arm to remind me of the strength I harness.
4. Summary
I am stronger than I feel in moments I think I'm weak. I have permanent reminders of that now. But those are lessons we can all benefit from. I'm not the only one who goes through struggles, battles, and wars. I'm not the only one whose life is turned upside down unexpectedly. I'm not the only one who feels overwhelmed and confused about the future. We all go through those things to varying degrees. To remind ourselves of our inner strength, power, and grace is crucial. We are normally our worst enemies, but let's instead be our biggest supporters. Encourage yourself to breathe and control the moment. Remind yourself that you are strong and in control of your actions and reactions. I might be the one with the tattoos, but we all have the ability to give ourselves reminders. You are strong, you are powerful, you can control your mind and body. Use that power. It's already there.
Reminding myself of my power and grace.